My desire for intimacy
Trumps your need to feel safe.
But please don’t pin me down
as this or that or another way.
I don’t wish to hurt you
Beyond what you can handle,
but don’t shy away from the flame
When you yourself lit the candle.
Let’s try to be Grown-Ups here,
but in the suburbs of Never Never Land.
And please don’t look at me
as if I have some Master Plan.
I can’t help it if my heart’s on my sleeve,
My boobs are out of my shirt,
& I’m crawling out of my skin.
You put me in my place again & again & again.
I covet your Regard, your Affection,
My Curse.
Having or going without –
I’m not sure which is worse.
Intoxicated and elated,
then shredded like an Orange peel:
It’s a sad state of affairs
to feel the way that I feel.
I only want the Bitter Pill,
the Agony,
the Rope, the Whip…
and I want you to give me it.
I only want you to say my name
like the Raven quoth “Lenore.”
I only want to cause you a little pain,
& I want you to want a little more.
I only want the Whole Wide World
that the Raven carried in His mouth,
and then I want you to wonder
if I’ll swallow it or spit it out.
There is no balm for self-inflicted wounds,
So Lord! What I would do to you!
To make you feel the pain I feel,
then convince myself it isn’t real.
I only want it all,
Starting with you, now.
But I’ll settle for a drink,
and a little time to think.
God knows I am asking too much.
-LRHMJ